Mercy and Dva Hide From The Police
by Kream45
Summary: Mercy and Dva rob a bank. However, not everything worked out, and they end up running away in two different directions. With the police looking for them everywhere, they have no choice but to disguise and hide, until the situation cools down.
1. The Escape

**/I am a serious writer and this is a serious story./**

 **/…/**

 **/Who am I trying to fool.../**

 ***BAM***

"Dafuq?!" the security guards shouted in shock. Somebody has blown his way into the bank.

Two silhouettes appeared in the smoke.

"Guys, ready your weapons!" the security boss ordered, but then was shot in the head.

"Holy shit!" someone screamed.

And then Mercy and Dva appeared.

"Hey Dva, I thought the explosives were for the safe." Mercy said.

"Well how else would you enter this bank?" Dva replied.

"Through the door?"

"Oh right. OOHH RIIGHHT!"

"You dumb fuck, I knew I should have done this myself."

"Hey fuck you."

Then the guards stopped crying over their boss and pointed their guns at the girls.

"FREEZE!" they shouted, "Drop your weapons, you… who are you?"

"We're Mercy and Dva from Overwatch, BITCH!" Mercy exclaimed.

"You stupid cunt why did you tell them our names? Now we're fucking screwed!" Dva got angry.

"But… but… the villains in movies always say their names out loud…"

"I'm gonna kick your ass, damn it!"

But it was no time to fight, because the police just arrived.

"Holy shit, we must run!" Dva said.

"But… the money…" Mercy moaned.

"Fuck it, RUN!"

"You won't go anywhere, cunts!" the guards shouted and shot at them, but they didn't hit shit, because they SUCK.

Mercy and Dva were already running upstairs. They forced their way through the guards (by fisting them to DEATH) and ended up on the roof.

"We must use these fire escape stairs over there, we will go to the ground level and use backstreets to safely escape." Mercy stated.

"No no, you have it all wrong again." Dva replied, "We should jump from roof to roof like **AssAss** -ins and the police will lose our track."

"You know life is not a platformer? Also, none of us can possibly jump across a 5 meter gap."

"Don't be so pessimistic."

"Wha-… fine, whatever, you can go and fall to your death, while I get down safely and live."

And then a police chopper appeared out of fucking nowhere.

"No time to talk, cya!" Dva shouted and jumped across over to the next building.

"Wow, she did it." Mercy said, "That was a pretty good jump."

"Yeah, I rate it a solid nine out of ten." The chopper pilot replied.

"I agree, she didn't quite land perfectly, but the technique was fantastic…." Mercy said, "Wait, who am I talking to?"

"Oh shit, I forgot I was supposed to shoot you." The pilot said, "No hard feelings?"

"Nah, it's fine. I actually don't mind not being shot."

"Alright, that's cool…. But you didn't say anything about homing missiles, so here they go!"

"OH SHIT!

The missiles started flying at Mercy. She dodged them somehow (probably because of plot armor) and ran to the fire escape stairs. The chopper pilot kind of overused the missiles, and now the entire building was kind of falling down. Mercy barely made it out alive.

She ran along the backstreets, but then ended up on a wide open street. There were no signs of police anywhere, when suddenly she heard the "EEIOOOEEIOOO" sound. She took a look around and spotted a church. She quickly entered it.

"Umm, who are you, young lady?" some nun asked.

"My name's Mercy, and… wait a second, is that Pope Francis behind you?"

"What? Where?" the nun turned around and Mercy knocked her out. She dragged her to the cellar, stole her clothes and hid her inside a big barrel.

She walked out of the cellar in the nun's clothes, and then some priest stopped her.

"Hey, what were you looking down there?" he asked.

"Umm… I… I wanted to drink some wine while nobody was looking."

"Oh, that's okay." The priest smiled, "But you don't have to drink alone, we all get wasted here all the time. You're new here, aren't you?"

"Well, yes. I was assigned here today from the church in… South Virginia."

"Well, I've never heard of this state. Whatever, I'm retarded anyway."

"I see…"

"Hey, since you're already here, can you sit at the confessional during the next mass? Jonah was supposed to do it, but he blazed too much weed and ended up in a hospital."

"Umm, alright, though I've never done that. When's the mass?"

"In ten minutes."

"What? Hey, at least give me some advices!"

"Oh, it's nothing really. You don't even have to listen, just tell them to pray for ten minutes as a penance." The priest said and blazed some weed, "*cough cough* Oh, and my name's Jonah, by the way."

"Didn't you say Jonah was the guy who ended up in a hospital from blazing too much weed?" Mercy asked.

"That's right. That's me."

And then Jonah fainted, the ambulance arrived, and took him to the hospital.

"Well that was fucking stupid." Mercy stated.

 **To be continued...**

In the next episode: Mercy listens to some loser's confessions while blazing weed, and Dva's escape. Stay tuned, my faggy readers.


	2. Taking a shit

The mass has started. The priest was speaking some bullshit about legalizing weed and premature sex, while Mercy was sitting in the confessional, blazing some joints. Then some faggot came and kneeled down by the confessional.

"Father, I have sinned." He said.

"No fathers here, just one nun." Mercy replied.

"Oh. Well… wait, I think I recognize your voice from somewhere."

Mercy looked at him through the semi-translucent window.

"Lucio?!" she exclaimed and shut her mouth quickly.

"Wh-… you know me?"

"I mean… we've heard about you. God has told us about an African-American boy that has sinned recently."

"Umm, I'm not African-American, but whatever."

"Speak your sins, son." Mercy said in a voice of an old lady, so Lucio can't recognize her.

"I… I…" Lucio breathed in, "I've cumshot several times on my friend's face while she was sleeping."

"Wow, that's…" Mercy's voice broke, "What was the name of that friend?"

"I… I can't say."

"If you can't say it, then you won't be absolved, and you'll end up in hell."

"Fine! Her name was Mercy, wow, do you even know her?"

Mercy then touched her face in fear. Then she jumped out of the confessional.

"YOU FAFIN' NIGGER!" she screamed, "How could you?!"

"Wh-WHAT?! Mercy, dafuq are you doing here? I'm so sorry! I should have asked before I came on you!"

"It's not about that!" Mercy took a deep breath, "You said my name is MERCY, when in fact it's Angela!"

"Oh, sorry Angela. No hard feelings? c: "

"Whatever nig :)" And then they hugged.

But then they realized they were being watched by the entire church. Only the priest who was sky-high was still talking.

"Umm, and that's why you should always carry a gun with you, and also Jesus smoked weed before it was cool, so you know, it was said in the Bible that weed is God's favorite plant. *cough cough*" he said.

"Whatever man, it's her!" someone shouted, "That's the woman who robbed the bank today!"

"OH SHIT!" people screamed.

"Lucio you faggot, you destroyed my cover!" Mercy said.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know!"

"You're coming with me." She said and jumped on his back, almost crushing him with her giant TITS, "Run!"

"But…" Lucio mumbled.

"BUT WHAT?!"

"It's kind of racist for a white woman to be riding a black guy."

…

"This was not a joke of sexual nature, I'm serious." Lucio stated.

"I'm gonna fist you later if you get me to safety."

"GOTTA GO FAST!"

And then Lucio ran at a really black-person-like speed. Which is really fast by the way.

 **Two hours ago...**

Dva was jumping on the roofs, when suddenly she tripped and fell to her death.

"Holy FUUUUUUUUCK!" she screamed, and then she hit the groud. It was at this moment when she realized that there's no falling damage in Overwatch.

"Wow that was gay." She said, and then she heard shots. The police was still chasing her. She ran and found herself on a very busy street.

" _Whew, now they won't find me on this crowded street."_ She thought, _"Even if they do, they can't shoot, they could damage pedestrians._

But it turned out that she was the most Korean-looking girl around and the police didn't care and shot everyone on sight.

Dva called the spirits of her ancestors to help her fight. She summoned a big fucking negro person with great muscles.

"Wait, why are you black?" she asked.

"Because I was born black, dumbass." The spirit replied.

"Oooohh."

Then the black guy beat the shit out of the police men, so Dva could escape.

She entered a mall, and wandered around it for a bit, looking for a place to hide. She noticed a game shop with a sign that said: "Looking for an attractive person with gaming experience and nice attitude."

She entered the shop and some nerd welcomed her.

"Hello, I'm here to apply for the job."

"Oh that's cool." The nerd said, "My name's John, and my mother is a history teacher. I used to pee my bed until the age of 14. My favorite Pixar movie is Cars 2..."

"Hold on, why are you telling me this?"

"I don't know, I thought you'd be interested."

"Are you a fag?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

Then John told her how to do her job and went home (probably to fap to some really extreme hentai).

A few moments later, two guys entered the store.

"Hello, can I help you perhaps?" she asked, smiling.

"Oh, umm, we're looking for some gay game."

"Excuse me?"

"We need a gay game. Like, REALLY fucking gay. The gayest one you have."

"… how about Overwatch?"

"YES! It will do! How much?"

"Four hundred thousand dollars."

"Can we pay the equivalent of 400 000 dollars in jars of semen?"

"Get the fuck out of here."

A few minutes later, a 12 year old boy entered the store.

"Hello there!" Dva welcomed him, "How may I help you?"

"Hi bitch." The boy said, "I'm looking for the most extreme porn game you have in stock."

"Aren't you a little young for that? Also what did you just call me?" Dva asked.

"I want to masturbate to the highest quality erotic game. I can pay double, or even triple."

"Ok ok, but we can't sell you a game for adults. You're too young."

"Then what about THIS?!" the boy shouted and nothing happened, "… I thought that if I say this out loud enough you'd get scared and sell me the game."

"*sigh* alright, I can sell you an erotic game. But it will be more family-friendly, not the most extreme one."

"Ugh, fine, whatever."

"It's this one." Dva grabbed one of the games and showed him, "It's an erotic version of a popular MOBA shooter game. You can play as the characters from the original game, but you get to engage in sexual activities, such as fisting, rape and deepthroat. It also has a lootcrate system, containing more sexual animations and gadgets and skins and shit. Speaking of shit, scat is there, too."

"Wow, if that's family-friendly, I wonder what the most extreme game you've got there is like." The kid said.

"Trust me, you don't want to know." Dva replied.

"What game is this one based on?"

"It's based on a really silly game: Overwatch."

"Wow, so I can even play as Dva? And fist her to death and then creampie in her dead anus?"

"… on the other hand, I'll get you the most extreme one. And get the fuck out of here."

 **To be continued…**

In the next part: Mercy and Dva meet again. Will they escape from the police once and for all? Or are they going to be caught and sent to prison? Find out soon.


	3. Black Blackness

After dealing with those retarded customers, Dva finally had a few minutes for herself.

"Finally, I can rest a bit." She said.

But then Lucio ran inside, with Mercy on his back.

"Dafuq? Lucio? Mercy?" she said, "Get the fuck out of here, you're gonna blow my cover!"

"It's too late for that!" Mercy shouted, "The police has been chasing us on our way here!"

"Then why did you come here?! Also, how did you find me?"

"Oh, that's my doing." Lucio said proudly, "Being a black person, I have a really good sense of smell, so I could smell you from 10 miles away."

"WOW that's idiotic."

"Anyway, hop on my back and we're out of here!"

"You sure you can carry both of us?"

"Come on, Dva, he's black!" Mercy explained, "He can carry us anywhere!"

"Alright then." Dva said and jumped on Lucio. Lucio ran a few meters and then he collapsed and broke his face.

"Shit, we killed our black guy." Mercy noticed, "What now?"

The police was just around the corner.

"I've got an idea." Dva said, "We'll just walk past them."

"Huh?"

"You're dressed like a nun, and I'm dressed like a nerd. They won't recognize us."

"But they've been running after me for quite a while now. They must have noticed my outfit."

"WELL SHIT."

And then the police caught them. But before they were taken to the prison, they were first and foremost gangbanged with no mercy. I mean, Mercy was gangbanged too. Whatever.

Next day, they woke up in the prison, their rectums were all sore. They didn't even get a chance to speak up for themselves in the court. The guards told them that their sentence was "Eternal Imprisonment". They spent the rest of their lives being gangbanged by guards and other prisoners.

 **THE END**

No, wait.

Mercy and Dva had a really cool escape plan, this time it just HAD to work.

"Dva, I've got an idea." Mercy said, "We can get out of here and escape to Japan, the country SUPERIOR to any other, in terms of hentai and ramen and tentacles etc."

"*sigh* what is that plan?" Dva asked, "I believe I might regret asking that though…"

"No, for reals! We're gonna use… MAGIC!"

"… uh-huh."

"We're gonna use MAGIC of FRIENDSHIP!"

"Mercy, you're an idiot."

"Why are you so negative? Just watch." And then Mercy used her magic to destroy the prison wall.

"What the fuck? How did you do that?"

"I used the magic of friendship."

"So, we can run away now, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then let's got fast, before somebody…"

"ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME!"

"I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHEEEEEED!"

And then all the other prisoners joined in…

"SHE WAS LOOKING KIND OF DUMB WITH A FIIIIINGEEER AND A THUMB IN THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOOOREHEAD!"

They sang the whole song and then Dva and Mercy escaped and travelled not to Japan (because Dva really convinced Mercy not to), and instead, they came to Africa, because that was the home of black people. That was the reason.

They lived happily ever after as sexual slaves in a black village somewhere in the middle of savannah or some shit.

 **THE END**

I hope very much you hated this story. Also, I've got a word of advice for you: If you ever feel lonely, that means you need hentai.


End file.
